Travels of a Not-So-Skinny Minnie

I have always been a small girl. I have never been a small girl.

Don't those two sentences just mess with your head to read? Imagine living it. I stand at 5' 1" and my entire life I've been referred to as everyone's "little friend." I've always had to look UP to my friends because I'm always shorter than them. However, I've always weighed around the same as my friends who stood 5"7' to 5"9 and for this reason, I have never truly been "little." So, it was always hard to swallow being called "cute little Neva" and knowing my friends were never going to just outright say that I was overweight. From elementary school to junior high to high school and now in my junior year of college, this has always been the one battle I've never been strong enough to fight. Sure, I've tried in the past and failed, just like every other girl out there. But in January, I looked at myself and thought "this is it." Everything in my life had lined up to a point where I had an opportunity to finally battle this demon that I'd been scared of for so long.

I had always given myself reasons why 'now is just not the time.' I thought that I'd be embarrassed going to the gym where skinny people would just judge me. I thought I was too ugly to attract men, even if I did lose the weight. I thought 'well, I'm in college, so eating healthy just isn't an option'. Well, in January, I called bullshit on my own idiocy. I CAN go to the gym because where else would someone who is out of shape improve their fitness. I have been in a stable relationship for the past year and a half with a great person who loved me just as I was- so there was nothing to worry about in that regard. And anyone can maintain a healthy diet in college, the difference is that not many people try.

So here I am, starting a blog THREE MONTHS after I decided to become healthier and finally lose weight. Why so late? I have made a lifestyle change. I wanted to be sure that this wasn't just the next Neva-fad (of which there are many) before I made any sort of online commitment. And, I wanted to focus ALL of my attention on the task at hand. So what did I do? The two things everyone that wants to lose weight should do, of course. FIRST, I started watching what I put into my body. I did NOT go on a diet. I've been on diets before and they are inherently temporary. So, essentially, most people shoot themselves in the foot before they even begin. I am not perfect. Sometimes I cave and eat junk food, anyone living where we live is going to do that at some point. So I try not to beat myself up too much :). During the second week of January, I joined Weight Watchers and it has become my bible of sorts. I'm not saying that everyone wanting to lose weight must join Weight Watchers, but it has definitely helped me in regards to food. SECOND, I started hauling my ass to the gym 3-4 days a week CONSISTENTLY. Now, let me tell you, I was terrified of the gym. I mean, only skinny and judgmental people go to the gym... RIGHT? Wrong. In the three months that have passed since I began going to the gym regularly, my fitness level has greatly improved. That's not to say I'm any excuse for an athlete- I never will be. However, when I started, I could barely run a mile in 15 minutes without DYING or running the whole time- or EVEN for more than three minutes. After steady work, my mile time is a now a fairly average 9:40 and I can run up to two and a half miles without stopping to walk. From where I was? It feels incredible to finally be able to run like an average person.

The purpose of this blog is to breathe new life into this new lifestyle of mine. Sometimes it can feel that I'm marching along at a glacial pace and that my long term goals will never happen. A lot of times I feel alone because hanging out with anyone in college usually involves beer and food, and I just can't do that as often as most people anymore. Ultimately, I want to be able to look back to these words as a textual representation of where I "was" and where I "am." If you want to take the journey with me in reading this blog, then I'd be happy to take you along for the ride. So far, in these first three months I have lost precisely 20.5 pounds and I'm thrilled that I haven't stopped. I am excited to keep going and to continue to see years of extra weight come off of my "little" body. So, until next time!

Looove,
Neva :)